Tips for talking about finances in a blended family
Financial issues even rank among the top five reasons for divorce in the United States. For my husband and I, it was important for us to get on the same page about our finances so our marriage didn’t end up as one of these sad statistics.
I’d love to tell you it was easy, but that would be a lie. While we were honest about our financial statuses, we only had the narrow perspective of a typical household or a stressed single parent. Managing our money as a blended family was a whole new ballgame.
Read this piece for a few tips from our lived experience as a blended household that we have learned along the way.
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Divorced? You don't have to be friends to be good co-parents
While I am all about parents of all kinds — divorced or not — showing a united front for their kids, the reality is the public image is not what our children need. What's best for each family may be very different, but the principals of respect, good communication, consistency and reasonable compromise are the building blocks of a united front they really need. The external pressure of parents feeling like they should still stand on the sidelines together, sit in the recital hall side by side or attend parent-teacher conferences at the same time and place may not be the best choice in all situations.
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How Dia de los Muertos became a cherished tradition in our blended family
It wasn't until I became part of my husband's family that I started to personally understand and experience the beauty of Dia de los Muertos. My husband's maternal cultural heritage is Mexican, and the celebration of Dia de los Muertos is one that my mother-in-law, Suzanne, introduced me to through their family's tradition. The holiday has truly become a day I look forward to every year.
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Divorce is hard: 6 ways you can help someone going through it
What does it look like to support someone who is going through a divorce? Six ideas to show that you really care.
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Marking the milestones with your stepchildren
I'm not typically the mom who gets teary at the milestones. Back to school, next size up clothes and birthdays don't bother me.
But recently, these milestones have become difficult for me when it comes to my stepdaughters. And this has come as a surprise to me.
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What my husband and I have learned about marriage — the second time around
I never really understood those big law firms that claim "200 years combined experience" — when everyone in the photo is clearly under 50 — until I got married the second time around.
June 2nd was our second wedding anniversary, and it truly feels like we have been married for decades. My husband, Eric, and I laugh that it feels that way because we have 21 years combined experience. There was no honeymoon phase. We said "I do" and found ourselves building a family from somewhere in the middle.
We sat down a few weeks ago to reflect on our first two years together and what we've learned about marriage over time and this time around.
To read what we feel we’ve learned (the second time around), visit Momaha.com.
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What's it like to be a Stepmom on Mother's Day?
This is a question I never really considered until a few years ago when I became a stepmother. Before my first Mother's Day as a blended family, I really started to wonder what my "new" role as stepmom would feel like on that day.
My husband's youngest daughter had proudly opened up her backpack one day after school to show me the smushed construction paper craft she had made in her kindergarten classroom for her mom. As I praised her for her good work and told her how much I thought her mom would love it, I could almost see the thought flash across her eyes as she realized in that moment that she didn't make one for me.
Her smile shifted, and she quickly offered to make me one, too. She thought hard and suggested that maybe she and her teacher could talk about making a second one the next day. She worried, though, that there wouldn't be enough supplies left. I kneeled down to her level and gave her a giant hug. I told her the craft should really go to her mom on Mother's Day.
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COVID-19 Is the Worst, But I Want To Make the Best of This Time Together
Let me first say that the COVID-19 pandemic is a horrible, confusing, and challenging time for families across the globe. Each person, and family is facing unique and shared challenges that we could have never anticipated and are not prepared for. Our family is fortunate, and while my husband and I have had to wrestle with the impact of COVID-19 on our respective jobs, we still have jobs. While all of a sudden needing to coordinate new schedules within our blended family, and homeschooling three kids presents new obstacles, our family is healthy and we are together. We very clearly recognize and acknowledge our privilege during this time.
I'm going to share something that's possibly horrible to say during this time of a global pandemic: I'm actually really enjoying a number of unexpected realities of having to stay at home, and I don't want to take these opportunities for granted.
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How I'm Dealing with Divorced Co-Parenting During a Pandemic
I’d love to meet the attorney who had the foresight to write divorced parents a parenting plan addendum for a global pandemic. I’d happily buy you a drink.
The harsh truth, though, is that no one has been prepared for this coronavirus pandemic and the effect it’s had on raising kids.
Divorced parents are in a particularly sticky situation. I have yet to encounter a divorced or blended parenting decision that is easy to navigate — and the coronavirus pandemic is no different. Unless you or your legal representative had a crystal ball, I’m willing to bet your plan didn’t cover unintentional homeschooling, quarantine or shared custody in a time of social distancing.
Mine sure didn’t.
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12 Loads of Laundry
My oldest stepdaughter has this really sweet way of finding me in the midst of doing housework, when the other kids are off playing. Her bids for attention are quiet, sincere, and patient. I'll be in the middle of work at the kitchen table, making a meal, cleaning the kitchen, or doing laundry, and she'll come in and almost silently sit or stand near me until I ask if she needs something…It's in these rare one-on-one moments that we bond, learning more about each other than we typically share with the rest of the world. These are the moments when her gentle persistence pulls me out of my to-do list into a treasured conversation where she opens up about school, dance, and expresses curiosity about me and the stories of my life. Sometimes we talk about deep important topics. Faith, emotions, our family, what we both want to do "when we grow up". And sometimes we talk about laundry.
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Baby Loop
What I’ve struggled with the most beyond the challenges of whether or not a baby is possible, is the question of, what is the “thing” that we build together in this life and marriage if it’s not a baby? Babies often bring couples and families together and permanently link two people in ways that are unmatched by anything else in this life.
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