Tips for talking about finances in a blended family

Some people would rather get a root canal than talk about money. I get it. Sayings like “Money makes the world go round” or “Money is the root of all evil,” give it a lot of power, and the topic can’t be avoided.

Financial issues even rank among the top five reasons for divorce in the United States. For my husband and I, it was important for us to get on the same page about our finances so our marriage didn’t end up as one of these sad statistics.

I’d love to tell you it was easy, but that would be a lie. While we were honest about our financial statuses, we only had the narrow perspective of a typical household or a stressed single parent. Managing our money as a blended family was a whole new ballgame.

Here are a few tips from our lived experience as a blended household that we have learned along the way.

1. Be upfront about your “money noise.” Everyone has some kind of perspective — good, bad or otherwise — that can create anxiety around money. Be honest with yourself and your partner about what that is. At the very least, ask yourself, “Am I a spender or a saver?” and share your answer with your partner.

2. Maybe you didn’t ask for a credit report on the first date (although if you did, kudos!) but now that you’re in a committed relationship, it’s important to know not only what debts are outstanding for either person, but how you each feel about debt. This conversation can get uncomfortable, but is really important to have as you work to create a plan for your family.

3. Make a decision when it comes to spending for your blended family, and try to stick with it. There is no perfect balance in a blended family when it comes to funds coming in and expenses going out. Some families will need to account for children’s expenses separately, while others may not. Some might choose to operate more like a typical family with all the funds combined to support the whole. There’s no right or wrong answer, but in my experience, working together to come up with a plan on how money will support your household and sticking with it, is one of the best things you can do.

4. A couple who budgets together stays together. Someone should stitch that on a pillow. Agreeing on a monthly budget and having a way to track expenditures is one of the best things my husband and I have done over the years. We both have access to our bank accounts and our budget app, and can monitor our progress in real time. When we first were married, we decided to “wing it” and argued more than we would have wanted. Now we have a standing reminder on the calendar to review the budget together and honestly never argue about it.

5. Have some fun dreaming! You’ve talked through the sweat-inducing topics and made a plan, now it’s time to talk about what your financial resources could help you achieve. Maybe you want to save for a vacation together, or buy something for your home. Maybe starting and contributing to your children’s college fund is important to you. Maybe you want to be debt-free in a few years. Perhaps you want to sail around the world in retirement. Whatever this is for your partnership, talk about it often and keep these goals in mind.

Whether you're in a new blended family, a traditional family or are just starting to combine your finances with your partner, I believe these tips can help you proactively talk about money together. You might find yourselves even enjoying the opportunity to dream about your future.